Ryan's Super cool crazy extravaganza rants! ...to the extreame!Daily rants/My Life
MSIMagus18
read my profile
sign my guestbook

Visit MSIMagus18's Xanga Site!

Name: Ryan
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Ann Arbor
Birthday: 9/25/1982
Gender: Male


Interests: Video games, Amanda, Anime, Horror Movies & Reading(though this has been on the back burner).
Expertise: Im great with my words and great at softball which I no longer play. Great at Giving all of myself to the rare people I see show they care for me....hell even those that dont.


Message: message me
AIM: Ask me


Member Since: 5/24/2005

SubscriptionsSites I Read
angelus_permitialis
kRazyKacIeNGelkE
Morgaine959
nodgeeya
CloudofFFs

Blogrings
 ~*~ GAMERZ AROUND THE WORLD UNITED IN ONE P
previous - random - next

FFX LOVERS
previous - random - next


Posting Calendar

|<< oldest | newest >>|
view all weblog archives

Get Involved!

Suggest a link

Recommend to friend

Create a site


Monday, May 15, 2006

It's been awhile since I wrote anything here, figured no one was reading so why bother. But I wrote something today that I am rather proud of. I know it will offend alot of people but I still think it is good and important. Anyways...

Nigger, few words these days if any at all hold the same power as this one single word. Nigger, it is a word that simply mentioning can cause anger and disgust in those who are not even black or on the receiving end. The word nigger is an ugly word that most would rather forget, but it is a word that leaders in the black community need to start using, it is a word that I feel they must start using towards their own people.

Most people these days do not know what the word Nigger means, most people probably do not even realize that it didn’t originate as a derogatory word towards blacks or other peoples of color. Nigger unlike most words used by racists has another meaning and was simply adopted by racists. The word nigger was used disparagingly towards people of an under classed group of society, if you called someone a nigger it meant they were the lowest of the lows, the bottom wrung of society.

As a racist slur nigger is an ugly word, but to call someone a nigger in the truest sense of the word is a horrible insult as well. So, why would I say black leaders need to stand up and start calling their own people this ugly horrible word? The reason I say something so horrid is because it is needed. Mainstream black culture is set to basically produce modern day “niggers”, and yet young African Americans, and even many older African Americans are not only supporting it, but proud of this.

Mainstream black culture is pushing youths to be ignorant, it is encouraging young African Americans to be the bottom wrung of society and taking away any hope for their futures. Rappers brag about being arrested or shot and African American youths eat it up, rappers brag about the bling(jewelry for those out of the loop)they have or how great their $125 shoes are….and because it is what is in the mainstream again young African Americans feel they have to have that too, even if they can’t afford it. And rappers and popular black television programs drop letters off of words, and kids follow suit.

In mainstream black culture it is cool to be a thug, in mainstream black culture it is cool to talk like you are ignorant, or as most hip hop artists would proudly put it dropping the nor from the word “ignint”. There are many great things about black culture, but currently what is in the mainstream and what is being adopted by the majority as cool is a culture of ignorance, stupidity and a life style leading down a road of ruin. Every community college around the nation is filled with young black people who are struggling to even pass pre college level courses, not because of a lack of intelligence, but because they have adopted a language and life style of ignorance. I remember in my English 091 class seeing my teacher have to spend extra time with 2 particular African American students because they were having a hard time grasping Basic English language concepts, concepts that most children understand before even starting school. I remember thinking how sad it was, that this girl had almost no chance of passing the class, all because despite us being in our final week she was still making mistakes like mixing up did and done, saying things like “I done that already” or “I love getting my nails did”.

This is a touchy issue, and I am sure by now I have upset a lot of people….but this is an issue that must be adopted. It is far past time that great African American leaders, musicians and others with influence tell rapers, clothes makers and television programmers to stop raping their community. It is far past time African American leaders explain to youths what the word Nigger truly means, and why it is so important that they do not continue emulating the culture they have adopted.


Friday, January 06, 2006

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time to waste
Asking why?
I'll run away with you, by my side


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

One of the hardest parts of growing up is learning to bite your tongue and swallow your pride for the sake of getting things done. Anyone can blow up and yell at someone when they are being rude, immature or stupid....but it takes an adult to reconize when the time isnt right.

Tonight I went to the College to apply for classes and was told there was absoultly no way that I could get any finacial help till my mom did her taxes as we thought. Classes were also more then we thought.........and because of this im gonna have to take only 1 class vs the 5 I was probally gonna take.

My mom asked after Amanda left about school and I told her. I sat biting my tongue as my aunt told me how she was in my boat being old and trying to rebuild her life and how I needed to learn it was just part of being an adult......like walking away from your job and home to move to another state is the same thing as being 23 and trying to go to school but being unable to because your mom wont lift a finger to help. I sat biting my tongue as my mom told me she did her best......I sat biting my tongue as they both told me about grants....I sat biting my tongue as she called my counsler a bitch for telling me to tell my mom it was illegal to not have her taxes done. I sat biting my tongue through about 30 mins of the 2 of them degrading everyone including me...but never accepting blame for anything they have done.

I had to stop typing the above after the first sentance at one point to have an argument with my mom...I sat and did what I said the point of this was....to bite my tongue...I bit and I bit and i bit till I could taste blood...and she spoke up asking why im looking at her with such anger. I finally spoke and said im past anger, im at a point of absoulte disgust with her. That she cant do a damn thing to help me as she watchs my life fall apart. She sat yelling at me for 30 mins at how she gave up her life for me and I cant reconize it....anything I mentioned from me and my brothers teeth to school to anything she just yelled and yelled at yelled. When I mentioned how she had 2 weeks off and didnt even finish her taxes which I needed her to get done she yelled isnt she even allowed to ever enjoy herself and stormed out.

Because of that fight things will probally be even harder. So please learn a lesson from me. One of the hardest parts of growing up is learning when to stick up for yourself and when to just swallow your pride and let people walk all over you.


Thursday, December 29, 2005

Currently Listening
God Loves Ugly
By Atmosphere
see related
Big update. Me and Amanda got engaged. She cried and it was great....though not the magic I wanted since she was so worried about how her judgmental overbearing parents would react that she had a breakdown.......still she got through it and hopefully with time it settles in better.

I asked her Christmas eve by sliding a wrapped up Rose into a tube of wrapping paper. Around the bottom part of the Rose was the engagment ring. I did the whole get on one knee thing but I was so excited and nervous that my words came out all jumbled and I only got out 1/10th of what I wanted to say and that much jumbled

Christmas was decent. We started off at 5:45 in the freaking mourning driving from the hotel we stayed at(we cant sleep in the same room at her house so we rented a room)to her house. Her step dad had to work a night shift so they wanted to do presents so he could go back to sleep before getting up at 1 to go to her aunts. It was decent, her mom gave me 3 books in a series iv been wanting.

Amanda gave me 2 of Atmospheres albums Seven's Travels and God Loves ugly which iv been bumping ever since. I love almost every song on both albumns which is really really rare for me. I also got Leisure Suit Larry Magnum Cum Laudy which suprised the hell out of me. Its the first time anyone has been able to buy me a video game I didnt suggest that I actually planned on buying. THat being said I plan on returning it since after playing it the sex/nudity parts are few and far apart and take ALOT of work to get to. We are so broke at this point I cant see keeping a $30 game I didnt care for too much when I can use it for other things. She also got me War of the Monsters and Ratchet and Clank Up Your Arsenal. Iv yet to play either one but I loved the first 2 R&C games so I should like this one, and I played WoM at a friends briefly once and it was alot of fun. Finally she got me a funny punk snow man which was cool.

My mom got me Xmen Legends which was scratched beyond play, Demon Stone and a third game which is slipping my memory right now but it doesnt matter anyways since the game was split in 2 upon delivery. Hopefully they can be returned....but she is taking her time doing it so we shall see. Outside that I got a hoodie, a Pair of sweets and a $10 walkman.........and she said she would make my computer payment next month....which she is supposed to be doing anyways since she owes me money.....in other words....ya good ole mom.

My aunt and Grandma both as usual did too much especially considering that my Grandma is on a VERY limited income and that my aunt while rich pays for most of the food my like 35-40 member family eats on her own. Both gave not only me but also Amanda and all other grandchildren and their BFs/GFs $20.....thats WAY too much. O well....it makes them happy and hopefully I can schedule a date with the 2 of them and just use the money to take them to lunch....though that will be next month since me and Amanda really need this money right now.

O and Amanda got a Puppy for Christmas. It was actually one of the best parts of the holidays....she cried and smiled....her whole family did. Seeing all of them that happy made my day.

Also just rembered that we went to Church which was funny. Being there reminded me how little I respect organized religion. Dont get me wrong, her Church was probally the best I had been to. Lots of people were involved with the sermon and the sermon itself was a very positive message and I liked alot of their beliefs. However most people still sat around talking through the sermon, Amanda herself didnt hear most of it....and in general people have no idea what the faith they are following is(note that Amanda isnt Christian so im not saying she is that way despite saying she didnt hear most of it). Amanda enjoyed the singing alot and i think it was good for her to go and meant alot to her mom so that was great. But as I said, No offense to any of you Christians but it really reminded me how much of a joke organized religioun is...especially Christians and Catholics.

....The mountain im carrying is building. Every single day it seems something happans that makes the burden a little bigger. But you know im still carrying that mountain and I refuse to set it down or let it crush me.

My mom still hasnt done her taxes and on the day she promised she would have them done she instead decided to move the furniture in the living room around despite me talking to her(and not in an angry tone or with any angry words)about how badly I need her to have it done since I have student orientation next Wensday she still is doing nothing. Also found out that iv got to start school in just like 2 weeks....when I thought I had 2 months. Thats both added expenses and lost time. Also instead of taking online classes ill now be going into Washtenaw for classes.....added pressure....and instead of taking 2 small easy classes it looks as though I might be taking a full course load.

The above is just the stuff I wish to voice where people can read. So as you can see iv got alot of pressure right now and no family or friends to help me. But ya know.... Let my inlaws hate me. Let me have to bear all the finacial burden, let those around me try and crush my spirit and give me 15 classes all above my lvl or experience.....bring on anything at all. As I said im rolling with the punchs and even if I take 10 in the face im determined to toss 2 or 3 of my own. Iv taken it all my life and im at a point where im rembering this and letting it make me determined to be proove em all wrong. I cant set down this mountain. I WONT set down this mountain.

Anyways. Happy New Years all. If ya read my rant as usual sorry I only seem to use this Xanga to bitch. Drive Safely if your drinking...and if your drinking drink sneeky pete its too damn sweeet.

Quote - We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind! Cause your friends dont dance and if your friends dont dance their no friends of mine! We can dance we can dance!

Listening to - Atmosphere God Loves Ugly
Playing - Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles


Thursday, December 22, 2005

Finished Star Ocean 3 tonight. Was suprised at how deep and philosphical it was. SPOILERS BELOW

Ok the charcters at one point find out that the powerfull beings that show up mid way through the story are really Gods. When they go to head to where the Gods live they are taken to another dimension where they learn that these powerfull beings wernt Gods but computer programs....that the whole Universe as they know it is nothing more then a computer program. The creator of their simulated world has decided to delete massive amounts of data to rid them of a virus. This is why these powerfull beings have shown up in their world. They are there to get rid of the bad data.

So the charcters go after the creator. In the end they take him down but not before he manages to delete the entire world deciding its his only choice left that whiping select data isnt enough. All the charcters start to fade into oblivion but before they do the main screams for others to believe in their lives. That even if they are created they are as real as anyone else.

The very end of the game has the main charcter laying in a black empty space. He asks himself where he is, what is going on, is this what nothingness is? BUt if this thought exists how can I not exist? He decides that if thought exists, if nothingness exist he must exist. Suddenly his form starts to come together and he is laying on a grassy area with everyone else there asking what took him so long. The game ends with some people missing but some there. So even though they are a computer program that was deleted they still exist...but others dont. Simply because some choose to believe in their being.....they became.

The game was really great. I mean this isnt new philosphy or anything but its really cool to see come together. And I mean it does keep you thinking. If something has concious thought does that make it a living being? Even if its just a computer program we created to think and feel? And is the concious thought of existing enough to actually cause an existence? Many many questions. Very very good.

Welcome to love. Its hurt, pain and doubt. And one day when your lucky you will find someone you love so much it hurts. - Marge Simspson



Next 5 >>